I am at my dads with no scales but I can see I have lost a bit. Skipped breakfast but I know he will force lunch & dinner on me. Will have to have as little as possible.
I actually honestly feel sick though. Now I am ill lol. That karma for you.
I recon if I ate it would make me puke.
ergghhklhshdifeh.
Saturday 7 November 2009
Friday 6 November 2009
Hollyoaks
oah at Hollyoaks.
Anita has taken this whole thing way to far.
I mean how dare she read Hannah's ED Diary when there is nothign wrong with her.
She got Hannah in to trouble and now she is on the edge of relapse.
To be honest though I kinda wish Hannah will relapse. I loved her Bulimia/Anorexia storyline.
I would love Melissa to come back as a ghost / figment of Hannah's imagination.
It would be fabulous, and daily thinspo.
Seems realistic since Emma Rigby is supposed to be leaving in December / January, so she could possibly die of her ED, or commit suicide...
Maybe Anita may be influence and actually develop ED too?
Who knows.
Anita has taken this whole thing way to far.
I mean how dare she read Hannah's ED Diary when there is nothign wrong with her.
She got Hannah in to trouble and now she is on the edge of relapse.
To be honest though I kinda wish Hannah will relapse. I loved her Bulimia/Anorexia storyline.
I would love Melissa to come back as a ghost / figment of Hannah's imagination.
It would be fabulous, and daily thinspo.
Seems realistic since Emma Rigby is supposed to be leaving in December / January, so she could possibly die of her ED, or commit suicide...
Maybe Anita may be influence and actually develop ED too?
Who knows.
Thursday 5 November 2009
And you thought things couldn't possibly get any worse...
My mum got taken to hospital this morning.
Relapse x10000000000.
Wednesday 4 November 2009
Relapse.
This is it. Fuck recovery.
I hate going to the damn hospital every fortnight.
Having them weigh me and judge me and my life, asking personal questions and random things I don''t think they even need to know.
She hasn't given me a food plan. I was so out of control, even today. I just binge like hell. 666. The devil makes me eat.
I am through with that.
If I am being monitored like im sick I mayaswell make myself 'sick'. Nice pun.
I may aswell loose some weight. To hell with this normal shit.
to hell with maintenance.
I spent this evening watching videos of Hannah and Melissa from Hollyoaks 07. The recent Hollyoaks storyline of Anita pretending to have an ED to get Hannahs attention makes my skin crawl so i went looking for hannahs original story. I never saw the whole thing. I didnt have ED at that point, wasn't that interested. Maybe it unconciously had an effect on me, who knows. I havent done my psychology essay on nature nuture debate , on crimal psychology not ED related, and thats why im here in bed while my mum who is sick lays up stairs, thinking I also am sick. If I am 'sick' tomorrow I don't have to do my essay tonight. I don't have to eat tommorow. Less cals burnt but none taken in so its still a loss. Teaches me sellf control against binges.
Missing school and saying fuck off to homework for me, a concioencious perfectionist and hardworker just goes to show how occupied I am.
How I am slipping in deeper again. Saying goodbye to recovery; hello ribcage.
I think now theres no escape, and I have never felt more alive!
Or safe. I no longer feel so alone.
Its like finding my best friend again.
And I love it.
I hate going to the damn hospital every fortnight.
Having them weigh me and judge me and my life, asking personal questions and random things I don''t think they even need to know.
She hasn't given me a food plan. I was so out of control, even today. I just binge like hell. 666. The devil makes me eat.
I am through with that.
If I am being monitored like im sick I mayaswell make myself 'sick'. Nice pun.
I may aswell loose some weight. To hell with this normal shit.
to hell with maintenance.
I spent this evening watching videos of Hannah and Melissa from Hollyoaks 07. The recent Hollyoaks storyline of Anita pretending to have an ED to get Hannahs attention makes my skin crawl so i went looking for hannahs original story. I never saw the whole thing. I didnt have ED at that point, wasn't that interested. Maybe it unconciously had an effect on me, who knows. I havent done my psychology essay on nature nuture debate , on crimal psychology not ED related, and thats why im here in bed while my mum who is sick lays up stairs, thinking I also am sick. If I am 'sick' tomorrow I don't have to do my essay tonight. I don't have to eat tommorow. Less cals burnt but none taken in so its still a loss. Teaches me sellf control against binges.
Missing school and saying fuck off to homework for me, a concioencious perfectionist and hardworker just goes to show how occupied I am.
How I am slipping in deeper again. Saying goodbye to recovery; hello ribcage.
I think now theres no escape, and I have never felt more alive!
Or safe. I no longer feel so alone.
Its like finding my best friend again.
And I love it.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
